Snogwarts: Untitled
by SNOGWARTS
Summary: Regulus often felt like pounding his head against a table whenever Severus got onto the subject of Potions and how much better it was than every other class ever created about anything, ever. SS/RB


SNOGWARTS

Untitled

By GOLD fish 945

Assigned by The Marauder Named Prongs

-April 12, 1977-

Severus Snape was, without a doubt, the worst tutor that Regulus had _ever_ had. He seemed to be equally incompetent with both Herbology and Charms, which were the only two subjects that Regulus ever needed help with. Severus constantly related everything back to Potions class, which was initially cute, but got very irritating very quickly. Regulus often felt like pounding his head against a table whenever Severus got onto the subject of Potions and how much better it was than every other class ever created about anything, ever.

" – And you know, there's this _one_ potion that could completely render Charms as a class completely unnecessary. It can do all sorts of amazing things; all you need to do is pour a couple drops of it on anything. No need for that stupid Levitation Charm ever again! You could just use this potion! It's called the –"

"Regulus, are you _sure_ you don't want any help in Potions? Because I just read an essay about the Veritaserum Potion, and I'm pretty sure you'd think it was _fascinating_! It goes into extreme detail about the reasoning behind specific ingredients, like the Boomslang Skin. It's unbelievable! So enlightening! It makes the whole brewing process seem so much –"

"Why would anyone _want_ to put their life into Herbology? I mean, I suppose many of the Herbology plants are used in potions, but let's face it – Herbology is the class of dimwits. It certainly explains why the Herbology Professor is almost _always _the Hufflepuff Head of House, doesn't it? Potions are infinitely more useful than plants, anyway. Did you know that there's this wizard in Nepal working on a _new_ potion? It's supposed to have the power to –"

More than once, Regulus contemplated just getting up and leaving. His eyes glazed over whenever Severus started, and he let his mind wander to much more pleasant thoughts – like thoughts of kissing the other boy.

Even though Regulus frequently ended up annoyed with Severus, he could not help but be attracted to him. Severus was a seventh year, seventeen years old, and Regulus was a fifth year, older for his year, already sixteen. Regulus knew that if his mother found out, it would break her heart, but Regulus couldn't quite bring himself to care. He had no intention of telling her, none of his teachers had the right, and none of his classmates would dare. The only person he had even the thought of fearing was Sirius, but Sirius ignored him quite thoroughly in the halls, so he doubted Sirius would even come looking for him if he even heard so much as a rumor.

So there sat Regulus, half-seeing Severus as he ranted and raved about potions and how bloody amazing they were. It was half torture and half beautiful. Regulus did like that Severus was passionate about _something_, because he seemed fairly grumpy most of the time, unless he was talking about potions, joining the Dark Lord, or was in a very irregular and unpredictable good mood.

Today, for certain, was not one of these irregular, unpredictable good moods. Severus wasn't even talking about random potions Regulus had no interested in today. He was staring grumpily, silently, at the Charms book; the same book he was supposed to be helping Regulus understand. It looked as though Severus wasn't even reading the words on the page – a hypothesis further solidified when he didn't turn a page for over ten minutes.

"Severus?" Regulus finally asked, knowing he'd have to speak if he wanted to get anything done at all. Severus jumped, surprised and blinking as though there'd been a severe light adjustment.

"What? What did you ask?" he said, looking around, confused.

"Nothing yet," said Regulus. "Are you alright? You've been staring at that book for almost fifteen minutes." Severus sighed.

"I'm alright," he said, but Regulus could tell that he was lying.

"You need to lie better than that if you want to be a proud Slytherin," commented Regulus, arching an eyebrow at Severus. Severus threw him a withering look.

"Fine, I'm feeling bloody awful, Regulus," he said, though his tone lacked the obviously intended bite. "Happy?"

"No," said Regulus. "Why are you feeling bloody awful?"

"You wouldn't understand," said Severus. Normally, when people said that he 'wouldn't understand,' Regulus got a bit annoyed. What did they think he was, a complete moron? Of course he could understand people's stupid, petty problems! They should be thankful if he was feeling kind enough to even condescend to ask! But not when Severus said he wouldn't understand. Severus was bizarrely sensitive for a Slytherin, though he tried his hardest not to show it, and Regulus could rarely fathom some of the compassionate, delicate _feelings_ he had.

"You could tell me anyway, to get it off your chest," offered Regulus. Severus looked astonished. Regulus fidgeted uncomfortably. Regulus knew that he was a very selfish person. He could not help it – his mother loved him and spoiled him, and Kreacher was always slipping him gifts, just for fun. His father had even paid more attention to Regulus than Sirius when Sirius had lived at home. But he wanted to (he shuddered) _help_ Severus. After all, the boy was the only object of affection Regulus had ever had.

"I suppose," said Severus jerkily. "It's, um, Evans." Regulus tried not to groan. That stupid Gryffindor Mudblood who'd broken ties with Severus almost _two entire years_ before, and he was still whining about her? But he held fast. He did not groan. He may have rolled his eyes, but that was the worst, and Severus ignored it.

"What about her?" asked Regulus, his voice tight.

"I just…" Severus sighed. "I heard she's dating Potter now." Regulus heard the undertone of hurt. Regulus knew that Severus had always hated Potter (and for good reason) and had always tried to dissuade her from Potter's disgusting charm, and for years, she'd agreed with him. But apparently, no more.

"Well, at least it's not like she ran to him the moment you two stopped speaking," said Regulus, trying to be comforting, but not quite knowing how. Severus looked up at Regulus, his eyes blazing with something that Regulus could not quite understand.

"I know," he said, his voice agonized. "I know you're right, but _Potter_? _Potter_, of all people? She has her pick of anyone at school, and she chooses that puffed up, arrogant…" He trailed off, unable to speak any longer. Almost unconsciously, Regulus reached out a hand and patted Severus' back awkwardly. He heard a sniff.

'_Oh Merlin,'_ thought Regulus, horrified. _'He's crying. I haven't cried since I was eight. This is not good.' _

But Severus was not crying. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and held his tears back.

"It'll be alright, Severus?" said Regulus, though it sounded more like a question. Severus just shook his head.

"I won't be alright," he said. "It won't. I-I love her, Reg." Severus' eyes were pleading, begging Regulus to understand, or at least not be cruel about his confession. Regulus said nothing, unsure of what would even be appropriate. So Severus continued: "I know you don't get it, Reg, but she's always been everything to me. She lives near me, and we used to play when we were little, and then we'd hang out, after third and fourth year. I thought for sure we'd be –" Severus looked like he was trying to swallow his own throat. "I thought we'd end up together," he whispered.

"You know the Dark Lord would never let filth like her survive," Regulus said, though his voice was not harsh. "I know she's attractive and all that, but the Dark Lord can't make an exception." Severus' head shot up at his words, glaring at Regulus with a fire that Regulus had never seen before.

"Don't you even _say_ that in my presence ever again!" hissed Severus, furious. "How can you even think – he will make an exception… _She is more than a Mudblood!_"

"How?" asked Regulus. "How is she more than her blood, Severus?"

"You don't understand," said Severus, slamming his book shut on the table. "You can't possibly understand. You don't even know her."

"Do you?" asked Regulus softly. "Do you know her anymore, Severus? The girl you knew wouldn't have dated Potter if it were a choice between him and the Dark Lord himself. And now what? She holds his hand and giggles in the hallways? How can you say you know her anymore, Severus?"

To this, Severus had no reply. He put his face in his hands and moaned.

"You're right," he said, his voice muffled by his hands. "You're right, Reg. I need to try to get over her, because she isn't the same girl I knew." He pulled his hands from his face and placed them, carefully folded, onto the table in front of him. "I have to accept that. People grow up, people change. Lil – Evans is no exception to _that_. And I've chosen a different path than her."

"That's right," said Regulus encouragingly, laying his hand on top of Severus'.

Regulus' heart was beating a bit faster than usual. Had something changed in the air around them? Was Regulus the only one who felt the electricity at their touch? He didn't think so. Severus looked over at him, eyes brimming with tears, a thoroughly miserable expression on his face, and Regulus knew instinctively what to do. He reached out his other hand, and rubbed away the lone tear that had fallen from Severus' eye.

"Don't cry, Severus," he whispered. "You don't need her anymore. You can have me instead."

Severus' expression changed, morphed from one of utter misery, to a beautiful expression of hesitancy. Regulus saw the battle in his mind, and decided to relieve him of the choice. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Severus' own chapped ones.

It was smooth and quiet. There were no explosions of emotion behind it, but Regulus felt something in the pit of his stomach. It spread through his veins as his lips moved against Severus'.

And Severus was _responding_. Severus' hand was on his side, between his shoulder and his waist. Regulus slowly snaked his own arms around Severus. This was what Regulus wanted. He didn't want a fire, a disgusting, extreme passion that would burn out after a few months, weeks, days. He wanted something that would last, a feeling that was all-consuming, but not all-destroying.

They broke apart, their breathing a bit shallower than usual.

Regulus did not want to ask. He did not want to speak. He wanted Severus to tell him the answer.

"This," croaked Severus, "could work."

Regulus let out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. A smile broke across his usually composed face.

"I agree," he whispered, rubbing his thumb against Severus' cheek almost lovingly.

"For now," said Severus. "Nothing… nothing _serious_."

"No," agreed Regulus. "Not yet. We'll just… see how it goes, yeah?"

"Yeah," said Severus, nodding. "Yeah."

"Good," said Regulus, leaning back into his chair. "Now, we need to do some Charms before we go back to the Common Room, because I'm going to fail Flitwick's test tomorrow otherwise."

Regulus felt himself smile again as Severus' own face flickered with a bit of a grin as well. His hand did not leave Severus' as Severus attempted to teach him the correct way to cast a Permanent-Sticking Charm, which Severus himself had never mastered.

That night, in Regulus' four-poster bed, he stared up at the ceiling, truly happy for the first time since Sirius had left home. He had a chance with Severus. It didn't matter if Severus still thought he was in love with that Mudblood. He'd learn. And they would take it one day at a time. No plans, not yet. They had time to figure everything out.

-September 25, 1980-

"The Dark Lord is targeting Lily's family," Severus said. Regulus started, confused.

"What?" he asked.

"The Dark Lord," repeated Severus. "He's targeting Lily's family. There was a prophecy about her son. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but I couldn't. But I can now. Listen to me, Regulus." He turned, his eyes blazing with a look Regulus hadn't seen in nearly four years. Severus grasped Regulus' upper arms with a pinching force. Regulus struggled, but Severus did not release him. "_Listen to me_," he reiterated. "All of this, this blood supremacy, it's all shit! You need to break from this belief. There were plenty of Mudbloods at school who had much more talent than you or me. And there were also plenty of Pure-bloods who didn't care about being good at magic. Magic belongs to people who use it, and use it correctly, no matter their blood!"

Regulus was terrified. Never had Severus ever spoken like this.

"Do you understand me?" asked Severus, shaking him a little. Regulus shook his head, trembling. Severus snarled, and pushed him away.

"Listen, Regulus, I care about you a lot, but there is no one – _no one_ – in this world who will _ever_ mean to me what Lily Evans means. I don't care who she's married and how many children she's bore them! And I will do _whatever_ it takes to protect her! So now it's your turn to choose. I chose her from the moment I met her. What do you want, Regulus? Do you want happiness and peace, or do you want hatred and fear and war for the rest of your life, my life, your grandchildren's lives?"

Regulus stared at Severus, uncomprehending. A question bubbled to his lips.

"If you don't agree with the Dark Lord, why did you take his Mark?" he asked. "Why have you done his bidding for so long if you think he's _wrong_?"

"It was expected of me," Severus said darkly. "Now, I have another purpose, one that I can't divulge to you or to anyone. I'm sorry, truly. I wish I could be honest with you, because you've been nothing but faithful to me."

Anger, along with horrified realization, burst into Regulus' mind. "What are you saying?" he growled. "Are you saying you have _not_ been faithful to me? Almost four years, and you haven't been _faithful_?" Severus sighed, exasperated.

"First of all, Regulus, that is hardly the point of this conversation. Secondly, of course I have been faithful to you. The only person I would even contemplate being unfaithful with is married and quite happy being so."

"So – So, I'm just… second best?" asked Regulus, hurt. Severus did not reply. His eyes were answer enough. For the first time in over ten years, tears burst forth from Regulus' eyes, gasps broke through his lungs, and sobs wracked his entire body. He had never felt like this. It felt as though his heart was cracking and breaking in his chest, disintegrating into nothing, but still hurting. He doubled over, falling to his knees on the floor, wrapping his arms around his own torso, pushing his face into the carpet of the floor to keep Severus from seeing him like this.

"I'm sorry," whispered Severus again, putting a hand on his back. "I truly am sorry, Reg. I do love you. But… I just… love her more." Regulus moaned. A pause, and Regulus could hear that Severus was going to say something.

"Do you love me?" he asked, his voice hushed.

At this, Regulus sat back up, tears still gushing from his eyes, hiccupping and glaring at Severus.

"I _l-loved_ you!" he gasped out, trying to hurt Severus the way he'd just been hurt. But it hadn't worked, he could tell from the look on Severus' face. It was a pitying smile.

"No," said Severus, reaching out a hand and rubbing away his tears, the way Regulus had done to him that night, so long ago. The night that he _thought_ had changed everything. "No, Regulus. Do you _love_ me?"

Coughing and sputtering, Regulus nodded, more miserable tears flowing from his eyes. Regulus wanted to scream, shriek, let the pain out _some _way. He felt hands on either side of his face, and Severus pulled his chin up and kissed him fiercely, in a way he'd never kissed him before. And Regulus felt the fire, the fire he'd avoided so intently. He'd never wanted to get this attached, but Severus had wormed his way into his heart and latched on in a way that, Regulus knew, would never release him. He wrapped his arms around Severus, pulling him close, removing all space between them, willing Severus to love him the way Regulus loved Severus.

But Severus pulled away, and the tears began again.

"No, Regulus," whispered Severus. "Don't cry. Don't. I love you."

"N-No you _don't_!" Regulus tried to shout at him, to accuse him, but it came out as a whisper of air. "D-Don't _lie_!"

"I'm not lying, Regulus," said Severus. "I love you. I really do. And I want you to make this decision yourself. Do you want to follow the Dark Lord, into death, just to kill some people who mostly ignore you and you ignore them? Or do you really think that his work is noble, and what the Wizarding world needs? If you think that, I won't stop you. I won't try to convince you. Just tell me. What will you do for me?"

"Anything," moaned Regulus, knowing it was true.

"Will you help me stop him?" murmured Severus in Regulus' ear. "Will you help me defeat him, Reg? Will you do that for me?"

"Yes," he breathed. "Anything, anything."

And then Severus was hugging him so tightly that he couldn't breathe. He heard the 'thank you's repeated in his ear, and he thought that Severus was crying as well. Severus pulled out of the hugged and kissed Regulus hard on the mouth.

"I'll be back this evening, I promise," he said. "And I'll make all of this up to you, somehow." With that, Severus stood and Apparated away.

Regulus sat in his crumpled position for a long time. He contemplated his decision, wondering if it was the right one, or if it was even something he could go back on. Each time he reached the decision to retract his earlier decision, Severus' voice was in his mind, repeating the conversation over and over again.

"_What will you do for me?"_

"_Anything."_

It was true. Regulus would do anything for Severus. If this was what Severus asked of him, so be it. He would bring the Dark Lord down, no matter what it took. It may have been hours later or only minutes, but finally, Regulus stood and look around their apartment, truly seeing it for the first time. His eyes fell on their white masks. He picked it up and put it to his face and looked in the mirror. For the first time, it looked hideous. He knew, from here, there was no going back now.

His decision was made. He would risk everything for this. He would risk life, limb, and happiness to help Severus with his goal, no matter how ridiculous it seemed. He would penetrate the Dark Lord's inner circle somehow, and he would find out every secret he could. He would study, he would learn, he would throw himself into this search. It was the only purpose left to him. Maybe, just maybe, he could earn Severus' _true_ love this way.

-September 28, 1981-

As Regulus gulped the green potion in the basin, he wished Severus was there with him. He would have known what the potion was, and if there was another way to get rid of it. But for now, this was his option. A year since Severus' request, nearly to the day.

He shuddered. The potion tasted like nothing, but the cold seeping through his veins was disconcerting, horrifying. Then, on his third drink, it turned abruptly to fire, and horrible images and sounds appeared in his mind. Every terrible thought, memory, appeared to him.

"_Fuck all of you, and fuck your stupid Pure-blood bullshit!" A door slammed, and the house was silent. His mother stood and walked over to the tapestry, and with a violent jab of her wand, Sirius' place burst into flame. She let out a roar of rage._

Regulus shuddered, and took another drink.

_Regulus held a letter in his hands. "Dearest Regulus," it read. "I'm sorry to tell you that Father passed away last evening. It appears that he simply vomited up several of his vital organs, and there was nothing Kreacher or I could do. If you would like to attend the funeral –" But he could read no more. _

Hands now shaking, Regulus reached for another gobletful of the potion.

"_I do love you. But… I just… love her more."_

Regulus let out a scream, and finally he fell to his knees. But no, he needed to keep drinking, for Severus, for everything that was at stake. He felt Kreacher shove another gobletful down his throat.

"_Regulus," breathed a voice he knew as well as his own. "What are you doing here?"_

"_None of your business," sneered Regulus. The other man said nothing. "Fine, I'm here to get Severus."_

"_Are you two friends?" asked Sirius quietly. Regulus turned to face his brother for the first time since he was fourteen._

"_We're lovers," he snarled, and to his surprise, an ironic grin spread across his brother's face._

"_Mother doesn't know?" he asked. Startled, Regulus shook his head. Sirius chuckled. "Me too, Reg. Me too."_

"_What?"_

"_Remus Lupin," whispered Sirius. "It looks like we've got more in common than I ever thought."_

"_Shut up, Sirius," snarled Regulus. "I don't care what you think. You destroyed the family."_

"_I'm sorry I hurt you," he said. "I miss you."_

"WATER!" screamed Regulus, begging Kreacher for release. "WATER!" His eyes streaming, he stumbled along the cave floor towards the lake. He didn't care that it was filled to the brim with Inferi – he needed a god damned drink. He plunged his hand into the water and brought it up to his mouth. A moment later, a hand that belonged to no one rose from the dark water and grabbed his arm with a vice-like grip. And then there was nothing but dark water and the sudden cut-off sounds of Kreacher's sobs.

-_fin_-

_A/N: Funny, this started out happy… _ Sorry. I was just feeling the story as a whole, so I went with it. Sorry that it turned totes depressing at the end here. My next will be an MM/AD, if anybody really ah… cares… lol_

_K_


End file.
